Communication
Practical tools for clear, persuasive, empathic communication
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Explanation
Most conversations fail because people wait for their turn to talk instead of truly listening. Active listening means focusing completely on understanding the other person's message and emotions. It builds trust because people feel valued when heard. Research shows we typically remember only 25% of what someone tells us, but active listening dramatically improves this.
Example
Bad: Person explains problem, you immediately offer solution. Good: 'Let me make sure I understand... You're frustrated because the deadline moved without consultation, which affects your other commitments. Is that right?' They feel heard, might even solve their own problem while clarifying.
Explanation
Created by psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, this method helps you express frustration without attacking others. Instead of saying 'You always...' or 'You never...', you follow four steps: describe what happened (facts only), share how you feel, explain what you need, and ask for something specific. This approach turns arguments into problem-solving conversations.
Example
Violent: 'You never listen! You're so selfish!' NVC: 'When I see you on your phone while I'm talking (observation), I feel hurt (feeling) because I need to feel valued (need). Would you be willing to put your phone away during our conversations? (request)'
Explanation
Developed by Barbara Minto at McKinsey consulting firm, this method puts your main point first, then explains why. Unlike school essays that build to a conclusion, business communication starts with the answer. Most people decide whether to keep reading within 30 seconds, so lead with what matters most. Group your supporting points into logical clusters of 3.
Example
Bad: Long background, methodology, data, finally conclusion on page 10. Good: 'We should enter the German market. Three reasons: 1) Market size ($5B) 2) Competitor weakness (no local leader) 3) Our unique advantage (existing partnerships).' Details follow for those who need them.
Explanation
Ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle identified three pillars of persuasion that still work today. Ethos is credibility—why should people trust you? Logos is logic—does your argument make rational sense? Pathos is emotion—do people feel connected to your message? Most communicators rely too heavily on just one approach. The most persuasive messages blend all three.
Example
Pitch with only logic: Boring, no connection. Only emotion: Manipulative, no substance. Only credibility: 'Trust me bro.' Balanced: 'As someone who's done this 3 times (ethos), here's why the data shows it works (logos), and imagine how your team will feel when they succeed (pathos).'
Explanation
Originally developed for military and hospital emergencies where clarity saves lives, SBAR ensures critical information gets communicated quickly and completely. It prevents the common problem of burying important news in long explanations. Each section has a specific purpose: Situation sets the scene, Background gives essential context, Assessment shares your analysis, and Recommendation states what action is needed.
Example
Email: 'Situation: Production database is at 95% capacity. Background: Growing 10% weekly since launch. Assessment: Will hit limit in 2 weeks, causing outages. Recommendation: Approve emergency storage upgrade today or implement data archiving by Friday.'
Explanation
This technique comes from healthcare, where miscommunication can be life-threatening. Research shows that even when we think we're being clear, people misunderstand instructions about half the time. Teach-back reduces medical errors by 40% by catching confusion early. The key is framing it as checking your own communication skills, not testing their intelligence.
Example
After explaining deployment process: 'Just to make sure I explained it clearly, can you walk me through what you'll do?' They explain back, you catch misunderstanding: 'Oh, I should've clarified—run tests BEFORE merging, not after.'
Explanation
Created by leadership researchers, this method makes feedback less threatening and more useful. Instead of saying someone is 'unprofessional' or 'difficult' (judgments that make people defensive), you describe specific actions and their consequences. This removes personal attacks and gives people clear information about what to change. Most feedback fails because it's either too vague ('be better') or too personal ('you're the problem').
Example
Bad: 'You're disrespectful.' Good: 'In yesterday's meeting (Situation), when you interrupted the client three times (Behavior), it made them defensive and we lost the deal momentum (Impact).' Now they know exactly what to change.
Explanation
Assertive communication is the balance between being a pushover and being a bully. Passive people avoid conflict but build resentment. Aggressive people get their way but damage relationships. Assertive people express their needs clearly while respecting others' needs too. Think of it as being firm about the issue but gentle with the person. This approach gets better results and maintains relationships.
Example
Passive: 'It's fine, whatever you want.' (builds resentment) Aggressive: 'My way or highway!' (burns bridges) Assertive: 'I need uninterrupted time to focus. Can we schedule meetings for afternoons only? I'm happy to be flexible on urgent issues.'
Explanation
Questions that can be answered with 'yes' or 'no' shut down conversation. Questions that start with 'what,' 'how,' or 'why' invite people to share their thoughts, feelings, and ideas. This is how you discover what's really happening, uncover hidden problems, and make people feel heard. Great leaders spend more time asking questions than giving answers because questions engage people's thinking.
Example
Closed: 'Is the project on track?' Answer: 'Yes.' (Learns nothing) Open: 'What challenges are you facing with the project?' Answer: Reveals three hidden blockers you can now help with. 'How might we improve this?' gets better ideas than 'Here's what we should do.'
Explanation
The way you present the same information completely changes how people react to it. Saying '90% success rate' feels much better than '10% failure rate,' even though they're identical facts. Our brains don't judge information in isolation—we compare it to something else. Marketers, politicians, and negotiators use this psychological principle to influence decisions by choosing how to frame their message.
Example
Doctor: '90% survival rate' vs '10% die'—more choose surgery with first framing. '25% off' vs 'Save $50'—depends if item is $100 or $1000. 'We need to cut costs' vs 'We need to invest in efficiency'—same action, different support.
Explanation
Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss developed these techniques for high-stakes situations. Mirroring means repeating someone's last few words as a question, which naturally makes them explain more. Labeling means identifying and naming the emotion you see, which helps defuse tension. Both techniques make people feel understood and encourage them to share more information.
Example
Them: 'The deadline is impossible!' Mirror: 'Impossible?' Them: 'Well, not impossible, but we'd need to cut features...' (Now you're problem-solving) Label: 'It sounds like you're overwhelmed by the scope.' Them: 'Yes! Finally someone gets it.' (Tension drops)
Explanation
Human memory has limits—people can only remember about 3 main points from any presentation or conversation. Professional communicators like PR experts and politicians structure their messages around this 'rule of three.' If you try to make 10 different points, people won't remember any of them. It's better to have 3 clear, memorable points than 10 forgettable ones. Repetition helps these key messages stick.
Example
Job interview: Core: 'I'm the perfect fit.' Three supports: 1) Relevant experience (proof: specific project) 2) Cultural fit (proof: share values) 3) Growth potential (proof: learning track record). Everything you say reinforces these three.
Explanation
When someone is upset, their emotional brain takes over and logic becomes secondary. Validation doesn't mean you agree—it means you recognize their feelings as real and understandable. Once people feel heard emotionally, they become much more open to rational discussion. Fighting emotions with logic typically backfires.
Example
Don't: 'You shouldn't feel that way, here's why...' Do: 'I can see you're really frustrated about this situation. That makes total sense given what you've been through. Let's talk about what we can do to help.' Now they're ready to problem-solve with you.
Explanation
People need context to understand new information, but too much context buries the main point. The sandwich method gives just enough background, delivers the key message clearly, then explains what happens next. This structure works for emails, presentations, difficult conversations, and updates. It respects both the need for context and the need for clarity.
Example
Context: 'You know how we've been tracking our server performance...' Key Message: 'We need to upgrade our database by Friday to prevent outages.' Next Steps: 'I've already gotten quotes from three vendors—can we meet tomorrow to decide?' Clear structure, no confusion.
Explanation
Paraphrasing goes beyond just repeating what someone said—you translate their message into your own words to show you truly understood the meaning behind their words. This catches misunderstandings before they cause problems and makes people feel genuinely heard. It's different from parroting back their exact words.
Example
They say: 'The client meeting was a disaster. Nothing went according to plan and everyone seemed confused.' You paraphrase: 'So the meeting didn't meet your expectations—it sounds like there was poor preparation and the attendees weren't on the same page about the agenda?'
Explanation
Once we form an opinion, we unconsciously look for evidence that supports it and ignore evidence that contradicts it. This isn't stupidity—it's how our brains work to reduce mental effort. In communication, this means people will interpret your message through their existing beliefs. Understanding this helps you present information in ways that work with, not against, their mental filters.
Example
If someone believes remote work doesn't work, showing them productivity statistics might not convince them—they'll focus on the downsides. Instead, connect to what they already value: 'I know you care about results. Here's how remote work actually improved our key metrics...'
Explanation
When answering questions or responding to comments, bridging helps you steer the conversation back to your main points without being obvious or rude. Politicians and executives use this constantly to stay on message. It's not about avoiding questions—it's about ensuring your key messages don't get lost in side conversations.
Example
Question: 'What about the budget concerns?' Bridge: 'Budget is definitely important, and that's exactly why this proposal makes sense. It actually reduces our long-term costs by 30%...' You addressed their concern while reinforcing your main point.
Explanation
When uncertain about how to act, people look to others for guidance—especially people they see as similar to themselves. This is why testimonials work better when they're from people who share characteristics with your audience. It's not enough to show that 'everyone' is doing something; you need to show that people like your audience are doing it.
Example
Weak: '10,000 people use this software.' Strong: '95% of engineering teams at companies your size have switched to this platform.' The second example uses social proof from similar organizations, making it more compelling for your specific audience.
Explanation
In longer conversations or meetings, people often lose track of what was actually decided or agreed upon. Summarizing captures the essential points, confirms shared understanding, and creates clear next steps. It's especially critical when multiple topics are discussed or when decisions affect multiple people who weren't present.
Example
After a 30-minute discussion: 'Let me summarize what we've agreed on: We'll launch the beta next month, Sarah will handle user testing, and we'll meet weekly for updates. The budget is approved at $50k. Did I miss anything important?'
Explanation
When someone does something nice for us, we feel psychological pressure to reciprocate. This isn't manipulation when used ethically—it's about building positive relationships through genuine helpfulness. The key is giving first without immediately expecting something back. Small favors often create surprisingly strong feelings of obligation.
Example
Instead of starting a request email with your ask, begin by offering something helpful: 'I saw this article that might interest you...' or 'I wanted to share those resources we discussed...' Then later: 'By the way, I could use your input on...' The initial helpfulness makes people more willing to help you.
Explanation
Most miscommunications happen because we assume we understand when we don't. Clarifying questions surface these hidden assumptions and prevent costly mistakes. They're especially important when dealing with abstract concepts, timelines, responsibilities, or requirements. Better to ask a 'dumb' question than make a smart mistake.
Example
Vague request: 'Please prepare a report on customer satisfaction.' Clarifying questions: 'Which time period should I cover? Do you want quantitative data, qualitative feedback, or both? Who's the audience? When do you need it? Any specific format requirements?'
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